M6:1765 — این درشت و زشت‌تر یا خود طلاق / این ترا مکروه‌تر یا خود فراق

Translation: Is this rough and ugly, or divorce itself? Is this more hateful to you, or separation itself?

Meaning: In this verse, a husband responds to his wife's complaints about her coarse dress by asking if this minor hardship is worse than the ultimate separation of divorce. It prompts reflection on enduring lesser pains to avoid greater ones.

This verse is one of those allegorical narratives in the Masnavi that, beneath a simple surface, conceals a profound wisdom. Here, Rumi recounts the story of a dervish and his wife. The wife complains about their poverty and hardship, particularly her coarse and worn dress. The dervish husband, while acknowledging the difficulties (which he cannot directly alleviate), aims to shift his wife's perspective. He poses a fundamental question: "Is this rough and ugly, or divorce itself? Is this more hateful to you, or separation itself?" For a woman in that era, lacking financial and social independence, divorce was tantamount to ruin. She was compelled to endure minor hardships to avert a catastrophic one.

Yet, Rumi's message extends far beyond this simple tale. He expands this allegory to address the seeker (the 'inquiring Sufi'), asking whether enduring the rigors of the path—asceticism, self-struggle, fasting, and abstaining from worldly desires—which undoubtedly carry bitterness, is harder than the ultimate 'separation from God' (bu'd-i Ḥaqq) that these struggles aim to prevent. He states unequivocally: "But it is better than the bitterness of distance from the Real." This refers to the Quranic concept that God tests His servants with difficulties and deficiencies to refine their essence, leading them through these pains to union and gnosis. Thus, worldly pains, though harsh and coarse, appear slight when compared to separation from the Divine.

Rumi goes even further, expressing with touching eloquence that pains vanish in the face of a single moment of divine grace: "How can pain remain when the Benefactor / Asks, 'How are you, My ailing one?'" This echoes a sentiment beautifully articulated by Hafez: "Endure the beloved's scolding, O fairy-faced one, with love / For a single glance compensates a hundred cruelties." A mere glance, an inquiry from the Beloved, can wash away the bitterness and cruelty of a thousand days of separation. Humanity is innately thirsty for affection; if pain exists on the path of the Beloved, a single sign from Him transforms all that pain into sweetness.

And if one argues that such overt inquiry from God does not occur, Rumi replies: "And if He does not speak, because you lack that understanding and skill / Still, that yearning in you to inquire, that is His questioning." Even if your comprehension cannot grasp a direct divine address, the very "yearning to inquire" you feel, this impulse of seeking and attention, emanates from Him. The joy derived from enduring pain in His path is itself a form of God's inquiry. God is not oblivious to His servants' conditions; "Those gentle ones who are physicians of the heart / Are inclined to ask about the ailing ones." The physicians of the heart (the mystics, and God as the Physician of hearts) are always inclined to inquire about the suffering. And even if they avoid overtness (due to worldly customs or conventions), "They devise a means and send a message," conveying their message subtly and secretly to the lover, for "no beloved remains unaware of their lover." This verse ultimately teaches us that pains are ladders to union and signs of divine grace, not marks of rejection or forgetfulness.

Key takeaways

• Enduring worldly hardships on the spiritual path is easier and more necessary than suffering separation from the Divine.
• Pains and difficulties can serve as ladders to perfection and gnosis, not merely as afflictions.
• A single moment of divine grace and attention can nullify all the bitterness and suffering along the path.
• Even without explicit awareness of divine favor, the very yearning and desire within us signify God's presence and attention.
• God, like a hidden beloved, is never unaware of His lovers' conditions and sends them subtle messages of care.