M6:1764 — این درشتست و غلیظ و ناپسند / لیک بندیش ای زن اندیشه‌مند

Translation: This is coarse, thick, and unpleasant, / But consider, O thoughtful woman. Meaning: The husband tells his complaining wife that while her garment is rough and undesirable, she should reflect that separation (divorce) would be far worse. This sets the stage for a deeper spiritual lesson: some worldly hardships are preferable to the agony of spiritual separation from the Divine.

This couplet is situated within a longer narrative where Rumi recounts the tale of a dervish husband and his complaining wife. The wife laments their poverty and harsh living conditions, even presenting her coarse and soiled garment as proof. The dervish husband, in response, offers a profound lesson pertinent both to their marital life and to the mystical path.

I firmly believe this analogy is key to understanding Rumi's perspective on suffering. The dervish asks his wife: “This is coarse, thick, and unpleasant, / But consider, O thoughtful woman, / Is this more coarse and ugly, or divorce itself? / Is this more hateful to you, or separation?” He effectively compares one pain to a greater one, making the lesser pain bearable. In Rumi's era, and indeed until recent centuries, divorce for a vulnerable woman could mean ruin; thus, this threat was far more potent in that social context. Yet, Rumi elevates this earthly anecdote into a stepping stone towards a higher spiritual plane, addressing the seekers of truth:

“Likewise, O fault-finding master, / Concerning calamities, poverty, and pains and sorrows: / Undoubtedly, abandoning desires is bitter; / But it is better than the bitterness of separation from God.”

It is here that Rumi transitions from the level of ‘divorce’ to that of ‘separation from God and heedlessness.’ Yes, renouncing desires, engaging in ascetic practices, striving in the path of God, and spending one’s wealth are difficult and bitter. However, this bitterness, when compared to the agony of being distant from God and heedless of Him, is utterly insignificant. I state with utmost clarity that Rumi is delivering a profound ‘beware’ to his audience: beware of where you stand on the path. Do worldly sufferings deter you from the true path, or do they remind you of a greater suffering that lies ahead?

As the Quran states: “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient” (Al-Baqarah, 2:155). These sufferings are not for annihilation, but for the testing and elevation of humanity. Pains acquaint us with our own weakness and mortality; they are the ‘low doorway’ through which we must bow our heads and pass, to realize our true existential humility and open a path to God. This is precisely the function of cognitive behavioral therapy: it does not deny the existence of suffering, but rather encourages a change in how one perceives and assigns meaning to it, so that one may emerge victorious.

And the pinnacle of this mystical insight is when Rumi declares: “How can suffering remain the moment the Giver of Bounties / Says to you, ‘How are you, O My afflicted one?’” All pains vanish in the face of a single moment of divine grace and attention, much like what Hafez expressed: “Bear the beloved’s captivating scorn with love, / For a single glance will compensate a hundred cruelties.” Even if this grace is not manifest, the yearning and attraction within the seeker’s heart is itself God’s inquiry and concern. This is where the Beloveds, who are ‘physicians of the heart,’ even if seemingly abstaining from fear of infamy, “devise a means and send messages.” Ultimately, “no Beloved is unaware of the lover.” Pains pass, and what remains is: “Fortunate is the one whose soul carries awareness,” meaning, one who extracts sweetness and perfection from the heart of these bitter experiences. This world exists to distinguish ‘the corrupt from the pure’; to separate Rustams and Hamzas from the effeminate.

Key takeaways

• Worldly suffering is minor compared to the agony of spiritual separation from God.
• The purpose of suffering in the cosmos is to test, purify, and reveal humanity's existential truths, not merely to punish.
• A single moment of divine attention and grace ("How are you, O My afflicted one?") can erase all past pains.
• Accepting hardships as trials for growth opens a path to self-knowledge and proximity to God.
• Divine wisdom in the world's design includes calamities and difficulties that lead to the distinction of the pure from the impure.